On Fulfillment.

I recently had a conversation with someone about fulfillment. I was challenged to think about what makes me fulfilled. It sounded like an easy question, one I should probably be able to recite the answer to as easy as my own name. But it wasn’t.

In fact, it was easier to determine what wasn’t fulfilling me rather than what is.

After much reflection, I’ve found myself at a point in my life where my days and evenings are filled with to-do’s and meetings, yet I’m left wondering what it is that is fulfilling me. What do I really want out of life?

I’m writing this blog post as I’m sitting on yet another conference call. This committee I am on is important to me, no doubt. But is it fulfilling my life? Perhaps…

I’m fulfilled when I spend time with those I love. Friends, family, boyfriend, the four-legged friends that steal my bed every night. That’s when my cup gets filled. That’s the part of my days I look forward to most. And yet I haven’t made this time a priority in my life.

What Else Do I Want Out of Life?

I want to write. I want to finish my book and I want it to be published. I want someone to read it, someone who might be going through something similar to what I went through, and maybe get something out of it. Maybe she will see herself in the main character (MC). Maybe she’ll find some support, some guidance, some acceptance. Maybe she will read my words and think, ‘that’s me, that’s exactly what it is’, and use those words to help her through whatever it is she’s going through. If my words can help someone feel less alone, I would say it was all worth it.

What’s holding me back?

I realize I’ve been wrapped up in my own bullshit (for lack of a better phrase), worried about what other people are going to think, if they’re going to like it, if anyone will think I’m ‘good’. But is that really what it’s about? Not at all. That’s not why I write.

I write because I’m a writer. It’s all I know how to do. I write because life doesn’t make sense unless I put it into words.

So what am I going to do about it?

  1. Make a Change. It will be hard but not impossible. Nothing will change if nothing changes!
  2. Take Responsibility. I make my own choices. I must accept the ownership and responsibility for whatever decisions I make. This includes signing up for things I don’t really want to do, making commitments when I don’t have the time, and over-extending myself with no really good reason.
  3. Establish Boundaries. If I can’t establish boundaries for myself, I can hardly expect to have the life that I want. I can’t expect others to respect boundaries if I make no attempt to even set them.
  4. Consider Saying NO. The reason this one is last is not because it’s the least important, but rather because it is going to be the hardest. “No” isn’t really in my vocabulary. But it’s been suggested to me recently that saying No isn’t really about admitted to being overwhelmed, but rather preventing it. That spoke to my heart, for real. It all starts with changing my mindset.

Last but not least…

I guess I’ll write. I guess I’ll finish a draft. I guess I’ll let someone read it.

To be continued…

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